Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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