Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
