She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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