every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
