Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
