its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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