She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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