talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
don't judge my taste in strippers
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
