Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
