your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
