Cold hands, warm shart.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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