I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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