I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm going to jail i love you
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
