Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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