Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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