Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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