4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize