dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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