It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
