I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
