That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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