Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
