So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
