Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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