bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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