This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize