yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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