im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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