I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize