apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
True strength comes from lack of pants
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
