hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
