I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
