Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
