Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
