he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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