I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
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So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
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Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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