I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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