are you so shy because you have an std?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
