Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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