I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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