I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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