I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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