I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
