I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
it was like eating out sand paper
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
