If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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