I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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