I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
