I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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