i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize