Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
