But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
and i looked up. we had an audience...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He? As in you personified your dick?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
