and my herpes radar will keep us safe
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize