I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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