My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize