my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
