you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
