So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
