Texts From Last Night

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  (213): View more from California

  I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.

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  (213): I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian. http://tfl.nu/zael
  Replies (10) Good night (1352) Bad night (543)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.

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  (856): Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend. http://tfl.nu/zfxw
  Replies (10) Good night (3568) Bad night (704)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?

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  (215): How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers? http://tfl.nu/g3e9
  Replies (44) Good night (7188) Bad night (1213)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.

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  (425): I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me. http://tfl.nu/cm8t
  Replies (19) Good night (3817) Bad night (1015)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  only on the fourth of july.

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  (813): right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming. (1-813): only on the fourth of july. http://tfl.nu/s13z
  Replies (20) Good night (8026) Bad night (1249)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.

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  (612): Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore. http://tfl.nu/3jmh
  Replies (15) Good night (4515) Bad night (1389)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.

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  (217): I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel. http://tfl.nu/8hwr
  Replies (5) Good night (2295) Bad night (879)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.

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  (505): There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city. http://tfl.nu/w5w1
  Replies (8) Good night (2287) Bad night (655)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.

  (909): View more from California

  Whaaaaaat? No way.

  (206): View more from Washington

  Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.

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  (206): The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag. (909): Whaaaaaat? No way. (206): Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier. http://tfl.nu/t9qj
  Replies (16) Good night (633) Bad night (2020)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.

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  (303): I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now. http://tfl.nu/8ew5
  Replies (7) Good night (472) Bad night (1767)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.

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  (573): I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING. http://tfl.nu/4gcc
  Replies (6) Good night (966) Bad night (500)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!

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  (843): Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics! http://tfl.nu/lxnu
  Replies (16) Good night (1625) Bad night (712)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat

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  (631): Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat http://tfl.nu/zh7r
  Replies (2) Good night (619) Bad night (279)
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  (805): View more from California

  Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck

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  (805): Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck http://tfl.nu/n0xt
  Replies (4) Good night (544) Bad night (208)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!

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  (256): Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN! http://tfl.nu/hbjb
  Replies (1) Good night (289) Bad night (92)

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