I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.