White coat. Heels.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
gay sex achievement: unlocked
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas