I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I don't get it.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
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I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
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So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour