I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize