ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
