im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
