Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
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Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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